Moving

When I was little I remember one sleepless night laying in bed listening to the sprinklers in the field behind and our house, I loved that sound, I loved the crickets at night, I loved the smell of fish coming off of Murtaugh Lake with the late night breeze. That night I was sleepless because I all of a sudden realized that I had a long time to grow up, fear seized me that by the time I was old enough to decide where I was going to live that everyone in the world would realize how crappy it was to live in the city and they would buy up all the wide open spaces and I would not be able to live in the country. Deep thoughts for a young girl? I agree, but at a very young age I knew that my heart belonged in wide open spaces. I loved to run barefoot, I love the sound of tractor, I love the smell of hay, I even love the smell of farm animals. Why am I divulging all this? I feel like a have a screaming person in my head for the last month or so, screaming because I am moving AGAIN!
As many have heard me complain we have moved a lot, way too much. About 3 years ago I wrote in my journal that I was ready to find "home" that my gypsy soul needed to put down roots. I did not know that 3 months later Steve would be accepting a job in what I believe to be my dream area. From the minute we drove in to the valley I felt at home, Mountains surround us, wildflowers grow all over, I watch wildlife from my kitchen window. I have been able to learn and love snow shoeing, cross country skiing, learn to re love hiking snowboarding, biking. I go to bed at night with my window open smelling the pine trees in the wind, listen to the wolves at night, to me there could not be anything better. I ride my bike with my kids to the library where everyone knows you and you know them, then walk across the street to get ice cream at the local Ice cream shop. I know that this is not for everyone, with this comes over an hour drive to civilization, frequently having roads closed and not being able to get out of valley, more snow than you can seriously imagine, but with all that every time I came "home" my heart would sing, I would smile, I loved this town. Steve is taking a job that he loves and I am so excited for him to be able to grow, devastated because this means not only moving for the 16th time but this also means moving back to the city.
One of the hard things that come with moving is that you feel you can never truly love someone or something, because they are always in your heart but after you have gone and left you are nothing but a whisper in the wind, a faint memory, their friendships continue, there bonds grow and strengthen and you watch and listen from a distance, while making new friends but eventually saying goodbye to those also, and endless cycle of sadness. You get to the point that you see no point in making bonds, just to protect yourself.
My children are mixed, Sam has struggled here and hopes maybe moving she will make more friends, Lexi sobs her heart is broken, she cries that she loves the mountains and that she never wants to leave them, silently inside I sob with her, I understand exactly what she is saying.